Bias against homosexuality: Reflecting on Philadelphia and Danish Girl films

What is human love regarding to sexual orientation, and what is your bias against homosexuality? Reflecting on Philadelphia and Danish Girl films.

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Honestly, I was moved much when watching these two films. It is the time when there are somethings changed in myself, perception, attitude, and emotion. In my reflection, I am going to share my point of view according to two topics above.

1. What is human love regarding to sexual orientation?

In Vietnamese lecture, there is a saying: quiz anyone define love! It means that it is impossible to define what love truly is. Reflecting on the story of the couple in Danish Girl as a real social phenomenon, and on what is in my own experience, I going to try defining love by ways of showing what love can do and express. In general, people fall in love when they feel attracted to other, want to become united, and feel so much happy when being together.

Firstly, love includes sex. The couple being in love feels attracted to be intimacy with their lover. In the film, we can see that the couple getting married has lived together for six years, and they make love. In the normal way, who are in love have some kinds of desire to have intimacy relationship with the lover, in order to be harmony together.

However, identifying love is sex is not adequate. In the film, later on, when Einar has changed ‘his’ recognition of his gender, he and his wife have less intercourse and even have no intimacy at least the film show that, but they still love each other. Thinking of other families in reality, my family, and grandparent family, … I see that the way they live together showing that they love their lover much, and surely they are old already. So love also is something out of sex. Human being is as a sexual being, love is the way to express sexuality, so the love of human is not only as and is sex.

Moreover, love is of sex and gender but much more than that. I see that gender is a major part and sometime it is considered as sexuality, but truly it is not adequate. Sexuality is wider field than sex or gender. Understanding this point somehow helps us understanding what love is. Someone says that love is without conditions, whether one is male or female, masculine or feminine. In the film, the wife still love the husband whether the husband is Einar or Lili, whether transgendering or not. There is the time the wife ask the husband to comeback as Einar, as masculine not as feminine; but even the husband cannot the wife still love ‘him’. Reflecting on case of the husband, ‘he’ said that there is nothing new in himself comparing to the time when ‘he’ was a child. Lili is not made by anyone, Lili still be there from the beginning, God did, and Lili just come out in stimulating. The masculine behavior is just the outside that the husband has learned in the pressure of social structure, and female body is fixed by the doctor, it is just the outside, the husband still be the same, the only one. But ‘he’, as Einar or Lili, still loves the wife. It implicates that the wife or the husband love each other truly does not base much on their gender. They are in love because they love.

One of the points, love can make one’s lover be as the lover really are and they sacrifice them self for the lover. When the husband is in love, ‘he’ feel not shame to be himself, to discover the beauty inside. The wife with so much trouble but did accept and motivate him to do that. With love of the wife, the husband can recognize his beauty and she help ‘him’ to be more brave in spirit. What power of her can do such a thing! At first she said she love Einar, but the one she loves is neither Einar nor Lili, she love the one self, the husband. So we can say that love is on the level of essence or existence. It inspires me to think of love of those who are not heterosexual, and think of definition which society preserve as a public one.

2. What is your bias against homosexuality?

At first sight, I was a little bit uncomfortable when think of the words “your bias against homosexuality”. Because I think I do not hate or do nothing against homosexual peoples. But after watching the two films and reading some articles, what I think before needed to be changed. There are somethings as the bias against those who are homosexuality. Those things has based on stereotypes that are embedded in my belief and perception systems from a young age, consciously and unconsciously.

Friends and I used the words “gay” or “lesbian” when I was a little child as jokes. Whenever we want to jest someone we named them “gay” or “lesbian”. Thinking back, I understand that we use those term in negative perspective way. Even we didn’t speak evil or did anything harmful for homosexual persons, we actually think of them as abnormal in symbolic way. On the contrary, we feel uncomfortable and even getting angry when others call us “gay” or “lesbian”. Actually, later on when I met some ones I think they are gay or lesbian, I feel somehow uncomfortable and likely do not want to talk to them much. I also see that image in the Philadelphia, crowd call where homosexual people meet “mews”.

In addition, there is something as bias against homosexual people in the way I identify myself; involve my gender identity, sexual orientation, social person. Surprisingly, I recognize that I somehow ‘hate’ gay then lesbian, the question is why. On the way of identifying myself, as a man, I remember that I feared others see me as gay, or seeing somethings like female behavior. So I think what I think of homosexual person especially gay is from my defensive function. It is somethings coming from my unconsciousness as prejudice, to form my gender identity as male, and to help me establishing my identity and affirm notion of the sort of person I perceive myself to be. I don’t want things considered as out of the field of man. Prejudice against homosexuality is a projection of what is inside, the “other” in me. I don’t want to talk to the topic of homosexuality somehow. In the two films, both Einar and Andy were beaten by people by the society, even by ones representing for the law. Lawyer Joe and others as well don’t want to talk about this topic at the beginning, so he want those things needed to be spoken out.

In social aspect, I also see that homosexuality is nearly out of the category, social role is always listed as two kinds of gender, masculine and feminine, even in church. The company fired Andy too when they knew he is homosexual. Those kind of perception and behavior has affected me by some ways unconsciously or consciously. I am in the normal kind of gender, as major part in society. Moreover, talking too much about this sensitive topic will affect values and belief that I have in life and in my believe, religious and ethic. This topic is somehow especially strange to the tradition of the my Church talking about married life and love in some points. It lets me think more deeply about in next time.

Because I don’t have much chance to meet homosexual people so I actually do not understand much about them. The idea that homosexuality is from their freely choice needed to examine and change. Now I actually feel the deep insight of the saying of pope Francis “who I am to judge”. If they are as they are from the beginning, so God create them, so how we can say that they are abnormal. So the question is that what is normality, and what is human right, as a human, not for the majority, the justice which the actor Andy as a representation fighting for. Justice does not distinguish anything. There is something still strange out there, I cannot understand all about reality, so do I open to see.