Men in Society: Accompany Men in Today Mission

Professor: Sophia Park (CA, SA) August 26, 2020

Men in Society

Accompany Men in Today Mission

Nowadays, there are many studies and movements fighting for feminism, in society and the church. Their thought and behaviors are often about condemning and showing men's problems and claiming equal gender rights for women. However, there are very little research on men and masculine. On the one hand, it takes away one aspect of understanding women; on the other hand, it avoids the study of men.

Therefore, this article would like to seek the overview perception of men in today's society, particularly in the Vietnamese society and the Vietnamese Church, then think and draw some necessary reflection, and make pastoral program to support them.

I. Men in Vietnamese Society

As we know, gender is not only about sex (biological gender), gender is understood as what always be influenced by social construction, it is how one should think and act according to each gender in the society. So in other word, the concept of ‘men’ is built on the society.

1. Men - Being constructed in society[1]

In Vietnam society, there are so much expectation for men. The notion of a ‘true man’, traditional stereotypes of men, is one who have valued education and degrees, occupy a highly skilled job, a high position in society, “one born to be successful”, have a strong body, is competent in using modern technology, have wide social networks, have a strong and decisive mannerism, dares to take risks and challenges, and is mentally strong. Men always do not show weakness and emotion, even in cases of getting mentally hurt. As men, they need to keep and get through all difficulties by themselves. In Vietnamese culture, crying means weakness. In upbringing, dad always tell his son “don't you cry when you're down”.

In family life, men are the breadwinner of the family, must take on parents and wives and children. They have to make money; earning enough to cover costs of bringing up of their children and to pay education fees, which are getting more and more expensive nowadays. They are responsible for ancestor worshipping and for social relationships. Like a pillar, Vietnamese men have to be hardworking and extremely selfless. The true men also have to have a strong sexual ability, to be harmonized in intercourse with wife.

2. Challenges and difficulties for men today

Living in such a society with many expectations, from society and family, which is the way the concept of masculine has been constructed, men in general and particularly in Vietnam have to face with many challenges and be under so much pressures, almost unconsciously, which causes much harmful effect on their self-development. From the men perspective, they are educated by that way, so they think they have to be the pillar, then they are often obsessed by the idea of “true man” that they have failed. For adult men, when the word "success" become a burden on their shoulders, they are more afraid of mistakes, so they hide it. Being as leaders, the pillar, dominate the society and family, so it is difficult to see their limitations and challenges.

Such a pressure causes many problems for men, physically and mentally. In recent years, statistics show that men engage in behaviors that take more risks to themselves such as alcohol abuse, smoking, drug use, racing, fighting ... Another worrying thing is that, compared to women, the proportion of men who want to commit suicide is higher...In modern time, men feel lonelier, depressed, and thinking of failure. Smoking and drinking to drunkenness are found to be quite common practices of Vietnamese men. So they are easily lack of restraint and being authoritative.[2]

Moreover, with the development of science and technology today, the role of women is being improved in many fields, women can also work as men, make even more money, which can make men in crisis of gender identity. Along with that, the feminist movement has influences such as demanding gender equality, and requiring men to share many jobs. However, men expectation for women still be traditional qualities. A good wife is ‘willing to suffer and sacrifice for the family’, ‘always listens and agrees with husband’, ‘devotes more time to family, and is ‘hardworking and handles housework well’.[3] Those things can lead to the gender tension.

In short, the most important conclusion is that Vietnamese men have a lot of pressure. They must be the mainstay both literally and figuratively, causing many bad effects on men health such as stress, depression, feeling lonely ... and on their family life: neglect, domestic violent, lack of happiness, ...

II. Needing A Spirituality for Men in Vietnamese Church Today

Our question is that what are the reason causing those of challenges and difficulties for men and how the church can help them?

1. A space for discourse on men

Why do men engage in challenges and difficulties, is that men’s nature? It is quite surprised that there is very little research on men and masculine in all over the world and especially in Vietnam. Studies are only concerned about women, but has recently forgotten about men. It seems that women are more liberated, but for men, the frame of masculine stereotype "locked" them for hundreds of years is almost unchanged.[4] Therefore, it is very important for create a space of discourse, to share and understand men, to justify that kind of frame.

The concept of ‘idea man’ or ‘true man’ is in the patriarchal society need to reflected on and be criticized too. A lot of pressure lay on men shoulder coming from the expectation of society, which is ideal. Because in this society, men are considered as in high position; man should be leader, the stronger, the pillar, be perfect, be brave,…[5] Those things make men be alienated to themselves, become others. So we need to reflect much on the way men - gender have been built.

2. Reflection on men in the Vietnamese church

Some research show that our church tradition and metaphysic theory is affected so much by the hierarchy and the dualism, it comes from the traditional Judaism.[6] In our traditional theology, scripture almost come from the men point of view, men’s language, all the Bible books were definitely written by men.^[7] Moreover, Vietnamese culture is under influence of Confucius thought somehow. So men have high power and are the pillar in society, family, and others group. Those things have built up a perception of patriarchy for all, which has oriented men thought and behavior consciously and unconsciously.

This is why we need to reflect on men in Vietnamese society and church, the roles of each gender in society and church. Answer the question why men have the main role and authority in church, society, and family, the ritual leader, leader of family prayer, sacred learning is an exclusively male duty. In my point of view, in many cases, maybe there are no reason why just one gender can do, and others cannot.

3. Spirituality of accompanying men

Without discourse on men, one of the important things is that there is very little support for them. Unlike women who usually have friend and easily to share and listen to other women. In our culture, normally people think that men only are able to share just after of cup of drink. In cases of trouble men cannot deal, they easily escape, depressed, and cannot control their anger, so they can break their relationship with others, even lead to domestic violent.

Therefore, one of the most important characters in mission of our church today which pope Francis emphasize is that of accompany with hope, patient, and merciful in order to wait for the maturity and development of people which is ongoing.[8] We create the space of sharing and are closed and opened enough so that people can come and share comfortably. There should be a place and a counselor welcome accompanying and going with men, especially dealing with difficulties and troubles.

III. Some Inspired Orientations and Programs for accompanying men and discourse of masculine in Vietnamese Church

From reflection of all above, in Vietnamese context, I try to think of some particular way that our church can accompany men in today mission. In my opinion, the most important thing is that we have to create the space for discourse of men, in order to understand gender, men, in Vietnam society, in order to know what challenges they have to face, and to listen to their voice. There some ways and orientation to create of space of discourse of masculine and accompanying men. It can be a plan, or just a practical orientation to make a concrete plan.

1. Education in classes

In Vietnamese church, we can do so much things in the parish, we can organize some workshops and classes to study of gender, men. There are some kind of class such as catechism class, pre-married class. These classes can be a lecture or an opened discussion, or both with some critical and reflected questions. In classes, beside catechism, we can additionally educate and help children, or the youth, or even the adult, understand and justify their own perception of gender, of men, mostly in psychological and social aspect.

o   What is gender, how gender has been constructed?

o   Who is true man?

o   What are roles of each gender in society, care more for men?

o   What are difficulties and challenges for each gender, for men today?

o   Reflect on the issue of patriarchy in Vietnam society and church, how do you think?

2. Giving retreat

We as Jesuit have many chances to give retreat for many kinds of person. It is a great opportunity to cultivate discourse on men and to accompany them, especially in spiritual aspect.

There are two general dynamics in a spiritual retreat or spiritual exercise. The first spiritual dynamic is exam-men and receive reconciliation, or recognize sins and repent. The second movement is of contemplate and meditate to follow King Jesus, under the Cross Flag, in order to be risen with Him. For the first dynamic, some prayer points may help retreaters to discover and see the temptations and sins of men, maybe rooted in patriarchy: arrogance, violence, controlling others, seeking authority, less compassion, feeling hard to accept the weakness and limitation, feeling hard to be humble, low self-esteem, being depressed and hopeless, addiction, anger, … For the second movement, mediate and contemplate the way of life and teaching of Jesus may help men understand themselves more, openly changing their mind about their self-image that man is not perfect, not supper man. With the experiences of imperfect self, they can get out of some pressure from society and family expectation, and taste the love of God for imperfect and injured human beings, and be redeemed. Additionally, for those who are getting trouble in cooperating, working, and living with men, we can help them to sympathy with men because of so many pressure and challenges men have to face, in the other hand helping men to openly change their mind in thinking of the role of gender, getting out of constructed mind of patriarchy.

3. Bible sharing group and husband group

As we know, masculinity is not homogenous. In the contemporary Vietnamese society, masculinity is also constructed in different ways by men’s economic background, age, ethnicity, education, and so on. The meaning of masculinity is also not constant throughout a man’s life.[9] So it is not easy to build a group which include only men, with the topic ‘men’. Practically, I think of some available group in almost parishes - the ‘husband’ group, and Bible sharing group which is less popular so need to contribute more. In these group, we can create a discourse of men and accompany them in all aspects, psychological, social, and spiritual.

-       Husband group: for men, all generations, a stable group, not often activities, just in some special event.

ð  Arrange the program in one month (April, the feast moth for almost husband group), or can separate into four times in year, once every three months., or can be divine into a long routine in one year or more.  

-       Bible sharing group: for all genders, all generations, a stable group, weekly activities

ð  Arrange the program additionally into the existing program.

Beside these programing, we need to create an environment for consoling, it is useful to have a counselor in order to listen and accompany them, with their own situation and story in these group.

General program:

	Question	Method	Note
Week 1:	Roles of each gender
	What is Feminism?	Lecture
	What are men and women household?	Discuss
	What can women do in church, what is of men, why?	Discuss
	Masculinity/Femininity Test[10]	Exercise
	What is gender equality?	Discuss
	What are men and women household?	Discuss
	What can women do in church, what is of men, why?	Discuss
	Reflect on group name “gia trưởng”[11]	Discuss
	Patriarchy in Vietnam society and church?	Lecture
	Disciples seeking authority	Pray
Week 2:	Difficulties and challenges for men in today society
	Statistic of crime related to men	Lecture
	What is difficulties and challenges for men?	Group Discussion Lecture
	Who is the true man? What is the expectation for men in Vietnamese society?	Discussion
	Need a discourse on men?	Lecture
Week 3:	Let’s be a mutual man!
	We are not what and who we truly are, we are whom others expect?	Lecture
	Reflect on men bad emotion: what you really want or don’t want? Why?	Discussion
	How do feel when you see yourself are not alike a true man?	Discussion
	Man is who can cry! What do you think?	Discussion
	Why and how do man need support?	Discussion
	Stage of development - Keegan	Lecture
	Why and how to have the independent self?	Lecture
	Jesus cries, gets angry, ….	Pray
	The prodigal son who know himself	Pray
Week 4:	Men and married life
	Reality of married life today?  divorce, separated, unhappy, tension, violent,…	Lecture Group Discussion
	What are your expectation for husband?	Wife or women discussion
	How to deal with anger of husband?	Lecture
	Why and how to have a space of sharing and dialogue?	Lecture
	What do you do when having trouble, who do you come to?	Husband or men discussion
	Why we need compassion and sacrifice, love and respect? How to ?	Group Discussion Lecture
	Husband and wife in Gospel?	Pray

 

A conclusion

To summarize, what we have done above is pointing out a lack of understanding about men in society and the church, especially in Vietnam. There are many factors from society has constructed masculine and bring them much pressure and challenges, causing harmful on their physical and mental health. That is why we need to create a space of discourse on men, in order to understand, to sympathize with, and to support them.

With limited time and researching ability, this writing is only as an invitation to care for men, as well as offers a few inspirations and ideas to make particular programs for accompanying men. So, they really need to be developed into more concrete, with open mind listening to the men voice.

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[1] Vietnam Institute for Social Development Studies, “Men and masculinities in a globalizing Viet Nam”, (2020), 5.

[2] Thu Quỳnh, “Gánh nặng nam tính trên vai người đàn ông Việt”, https://tiasang.com.vn/khoa-hoc-cong-nghe/Ganh-nang-nam-tinh-tren-vai-nguoi-dan-ong-Viet-25436 (accessed August 24, 2020).

[3] Vietnam Institute for Social Development Studies, “Men and masculinities in a globalizing Viet Nam”, 187.

[4] Vietnam Institute for Social Development Studies, “Men and masculinities in a globalizing Viet Nam”, 27-29.

[5] Vietnam Institute for Social Development Studies, “Men and masculinities in a globalizing Viet Nam”, 105.

[6] Bret E. Carroll, “Masculine Spirituality”, https://www.encyclopedia.com/religion/legal-and-political-magazines/masculine-spirituality (accessed August 24, 2020).

[7] Dear Roger, “Were There Any Women Bible Writers?” https://preachitteachit.org/ask-roger/detail/were-there-any-women-bible-writers/ (accessed August 24, 2020).

[8] Pope Francis, The Joy of Love, 308.

[9] Vietnam Institute for Social Development Studies, “Men and masculinities in a globalizing Viet Nam”, 35-36.

[10] Masculinity/Femininity Test, https://surveydata.online/gdia (accessed August 24, 2020).

[11] The actual name of group for husband in Vietnamese church is “gia trưởng” it means ‘the leader of family”. It is good to reflect on it and discover the patriarchy.